Feelin' Machine

can ya feel it,
in your feelin' machine...

gears rattlin''
sweet stick shift grindin'
rusty wheels wanderin'
down the pot holed track

can ya get there,
in your feelin' machine....

wannabe sleek race car driver,
piece it together Mr. McGaever,
roll on down that road, you blues beltin' diva,
the highway's waiting, squirmin' and turnin'
like a pissed off rattlesnake, with waitin' too long....

Can we get some speed goin?
in this feelin' machine....

Get your foot off the brake,
jam on the gas, before it's too late,
red and blue lights flashin'. way in the back,
we can't get caught, if we just keep on goin'

this feelin' machines...
is made for sorcerin" badass speed,
for wicked and wild, wind blown back hair...
for open mouthed, teeth showin', lip grinning, starry eyed stares...
just gotta open 'er up,  go way past the limit, cause that's just where the good rides start...

Ah, yes...
this superb, edge defying,
limit smashin', great Cadillac of a ride....
feelin' machine !

Different Parties

You and I...
 we went to different parties,

We left together,
thought we were together,
entered together,
intended to BE together,
but you and I
we went to different parties

I peered through
the marbled looking  glass and saw you there,
In your purple velvet finery,
with your bright green tie....

Your laughter was so loud and heavy,
the music throbbed,
open mouthed, and wild eyed....
drunken laughter....
and wide spread thighs....
crooked disguises,
full of lies......

and I wished I was there...
but could not climb through the closed and boarded portal

so you and I,
we went to different parties....

And thus restrained,
I did return,
 my gaze,
to the place,
I COULD go...

White veiled silk and satin,
celestial symphony of other world instruments playing....
dancing, glowing...... fine as  starlight,
clear and opened eyes with sight....
fine tuned perfect subtle hearing...
I drank the wine,
of pure undiluted,
and unselfish,
sweet and potent,
 love......

And I let you GO...

Yes, my darling...

You and I,
we went to different parties

Falling in LOVE with LOVE

I fell in love with LOVE tonight,

With no particular object for its affection,
it simply washed over ME...
waves of it
 crashed and tumbled through me.....

And I felt clean again !
FREE again....

And the wind and falling leaves, outside...
echoed my joy....
played to me....
a song of wild satisfaction,

a syncopated, symphony of torrential rain drops...
upon the stones...
filled the cracks and crevices
of this parched earth and of my soul......

LOVE spoke...
and I listened to its voice...

LOVE played....
and I joined in its holy game....

LOVE lit the way....
with its soft lanterns....
and I followed,

LOVE stayed...
and I bathed...
and bathed,
and bathed,

And then LOVE asked,
and I shared it...
spread it....
filled as many cups as I could...
with it....

I spilled it...
and it ran
and spread
and grew
so out of my control....

I drank it...
I splashed it,
I slept in it...
and I dined upon it...

this vast..
vast....
feast....
of feeling....
of falling...
in LOVE with
LOVE

For the beauty...

For the beauty of the EARTH,
can you feel it?
The heart stopping magnificence of her?
The frozen moment of time, as we watch her?
The sharp intake of breath, as we are overwhelmed with the awe of her?

For the beauty of LIFE,
can you feel it?
The tenderness of its fragility?
The preciousness of its being only momentarily ?
The passion to experience all, in its totality ?

For the beauty of LOVE,
can you feel it?
The tenderness that holds true, throughout the dark night?
The butterfly tingling, as your heart, stumbles and begins its first flight?
The depths in the  oceans of yearning, as you reach for LOVE, with all your might?

For the beauty of CONSCIOUSNESS,
can you feel it?
The crystal clear feeling of knowing?
The complete stillness of no doubts remaining?
The vastness of that peaceful domain of being?

Gratitude, my darling....
so becomes YOU

That's just me.....

I could tell you of the dark side,
there is certainly enough of it....
spread thickly
like my peanut butter on bread...
sticky, gooey mess THAT  is....

Or I could tell you of the light side,
a little more of that....
the flickering candle lit...
warm with the scent of jasmine, gardenia and rose....

I could lie down with my skeletons,
whose bones are sharp and brittle....
dismal smell of drunken decay...
cold as ice, those covers are...

Or I could tuck myself into moonlight,
shimmering silvery beauty,
and dream of love and laughter...
those covers are so much warmer....

I don't understand the fascination, really...
of wagons full of setbacks,
grumbling ghosts and monsters....
being hung around my neck...

I would rather dance the weightless...
white glowing freedom,
song of LIGHT...
than hang a,
moldy dying carcass...'round my neck....

but then again....
that's just me......

When you shut the door

When you slammed the door,
you slammed GOD'S fingers in it.....

When you turned away,
your back was to him,
and he admired,
the lovely curves....
the softness of your skin....
the dimpled freckled canvas
on which he could paint....
your life......

When you walked away,
in tears....
he sent the wind to blow you back again,
stronger and stronger.
hoping the hurricane force of it....
would blow off your,
pride, your insanity of misery....
and you would turn around

When you closed your heart,
your temple crumbled....
cobwebs stiffened,
dust collected....
and he allowed it....
BUT
He rang the temple bells,
with all his mercy....
split the windows into spectral pieces...
hoping you would see him....
be with him,
once again....

AND you could not stay away for long....
his calling was too strong,
there was no other lover,
who could suffice,
no mother, no father
sister, brother...
companion...
more determined to
LOVE you
than he.....

There is no point....

There is no point in living only as a superficial token,
to love only occasionally, when a heart is wide open.....

There is no point in only sipping the drink,
while the water in the pitcher is spilling over into the sink....

There is no point in the dainty dabbing of tears,
when the torrents are pouring through the dam of  fears.....

There is no point in refusing to smile,
when the wild horses of joy are racing ...at a speed of split second per mile...

There is no point in only stumbling along,
when there's such a  longing to run....God, the power's so strong.....

there is no point in only peering into the room,
the shutters are flung open  and have aired out the  gloom....

there is no point in just sitting there,
when a MASTER has asked for the dance...yes, it happens and yes, you can dare....

there in no point in only wading in,
when we are born with the knowing how to dive and swim...

there is no point in pretending to sleep,
eyes open wide, refuse to count sheep....

there is no point in cowering afraid and alone,
when the lion inside is roaring.and ready to roam,,,,

there is certainly no point,
in staying chained to the block,
when keys of freedom have already broken the lock

We are here for so short a time,
to not live it fully, 
has to be some kind of crime....

In that moment of INDECISION

And in that very moment
of my indecision,
my HEART won.....

I could have hated,
I could have berated,
I could have scorned,
I could have mourned,
judged,
fought,
all those frightful options,
were laid out before me....
glittering like a fool's gold....
And like a fool,
I did consider...
their offer of defense,

But at that very moment
of indecision
my HEART won

I felt a subtle stirring,
the warmth of its flame burning,
the softness of its feathered comforting,
the ease of its simplicity,
no multiplicity...
the true shining of a diamond,
became my better choice.........

But at that very moment,
at least for that sweet eternal moment...
of my indecision,
my heart won !

My body was meant to carry my soul

my body is made to carry my soul

A cathedral not of stone and beam,
but living, breathing...
evolving, deepening....

A temple of such perfection of  construction,
that it does hold,
embrace....
the infinite beauty, which is my soul

A bower, a resting place...
a garden, so sacred and so humble,
that the DIVINE stoops and enters here...
to entwine, with me...

the portals of my mouth, my ears, my eyes
doorways and windows,
designed to witness
to feel, to hear, to kiss, to touch....to see....
to take in,
absorb,
with passionate intensity....
all that my soul is showing me...........

My hands clap in sheer delight...
fingers and toes wiggling,
mad with joy !
My body is made to carry my soul.....

Once we were MASTERS

We were giants,
striding across open plains...
swinging from mountain top to mountain top
tickled by the hundred foot surf off  New Zealand's coast

We flew across distances,
as if there were no time or space...
Our hair was combed by new born stars,
Planets were our eyes....
Moons our eyelashes....

We laughed and thunder rolled across the skies,
we played the harp of blizzards,
sang the song of earthquakes....
steeped ourselves in the hot tubs of volcanoes,
lava and ash were the bubbles in our bath

Our feet touched the glaciers....
we tossed ice burgs into the sea.
ice chips in our clear water martinis....
our tsunamis were wading pools,
whales, and elephants,  our loving pets....

We played, disguised as saints...
laughed hysterically at martyrdom,
We wore the cloaks of Masters...
and reality changed as easily as the colors of rainbows...

do you remember?

we gave not a thought to becoming ants....
scrabbling for finite morsels...

we  abhorred the birth of  robots......
with no destiny but to follow mindless dictates....

we never considered that our souls could be bought and sold...
that shadows would become kings...
that our doubt in ourselves could reign....

We never thought we could be bound....
by birth and death,
chained to earth,
when the entire Universe was our freedom's playground....

DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
ALL of  this and MORE?

.

oh to play those blues !

I met an old man on Railroad Street,
crouching in the corner,
living on the street,
in the shadow,
of the big banks.....

His possessions in a bundle,
a little spotted dog,
curled up beside him...
As I passed,
he pulled out a harp,
and began to play.....

With a battered hat on his head,
dirty torn trousers,
dusty shoes,
he began to play the BLUES....

He was at the crossroads...
in the "devil's" hands,
Playing like
an old Mississippi Delta
Blues Man....

His face alight with
with the sound of the downtown train comin'
Mouth full on the harp...
like a new mouthful of teeth....
Hoary hands cupped,
blowing' hard
he played those blues.....

I could feel the heat...
99% humidity of tears,
roasting out the summer night,
of the deep south.....

Ah...those BLUES !
those transporting,
trouble makin'
senses awakening....
toe tapping,
thigh slappin'
madman playin'
BLUES !

miracles, in a grocery store

Yesterday a man walked up to me to say,
I'm dying....

what the heck, I'm in the grocery store,
amidst the tomatoes, pumpkins, spices galore....
and he's dying.....
and he wants me to know....

He wants me to care,
hungry for a touch of human kindness,
instead of milk and blindness....

He wants me to SEE him...
to feel his heart and the sores within him....

What can I say,
yes,
I see you...
I'll take some time, to feel YOU...
look at your pictures...
the one
of your son,

who will be left behind....

Yes, you are dying,
I'll put away my fear, my politeness, my unconsciousness
in the midst of my shopping....

I'll take a moment,
to hold you in my mind....
to give you the touch of kindness...

I was shopping for groceries....
he was shopping for LOVE

Ode to cleaning house

Let's clean the "house"

Its kinda fun to sweep the floor,
watch the dust clouds fly out the door...

Its kinda fun to shake out the rugs,
to free the old shag from all  its bits of dead bugs..

Its kinda fun to toss the old clothes in a heap,
they aren't something I really need to keep.....

Its kinda fun to throw the furniture out of the room,
I can dance so much better without that heavy gloom....

Its kinda fun to set a REALLY BIG FIRE
and watch the death dance when shadows expire...

Its kinda fun to let Shiva rule the roost,
its a hell of a blast, with her in cahoots....

Its kinda fun,
I have to admit....
now that there's nowhere left to sit,
cozy and comfortable, turned out on their head...
laughter and magic now have room in my bed...
its not for the timid, who don't want to let go,
I have a dear friend,
and its that very "ONE" who taught me so....

Love on the Run

Butterflies with broken wings
Songbirds having forgotten how to sing

Leaves no longer reach out to the sun,
Love, my friend is on the run......

Man against woman, child denying child
Beggars fought against soldiers and yes, they died

People in chains, don't reach out to the sun,
Love, my friend is on the run.....

Corporate badges, and paychecks enter the room,
Priests and Prophets proclaim imminent doom....

Oceans anger as the garbage gathers
Earth ignores as a politician blathers

Clouds of pollution in the face of the sun,
Love, my friend is on the run....

Migrants, refugees and the homeless now hold the reins,
made sick to death by  government's brains.....

the poor, the humble the innocent still find the sun,
Love, my friend returns from its run

true love is hardly an illusion....


I have called your name, missing you
as if a limb were torn from my own body

I have lain entangled with you,
cried out  that our merging bodies were not enough

I have been driven mad,
by the limits placed on my own heart

for I do   LOVE....
and I do  UNDERSTAND
what LOVE is wanting here,

LOVE seeks only the perfection of  you and I
lives only in the purity of those essences,
The beauty of which, is unspeakably tender....

Its rapture is in the presence of unmindful innocence,
thoughtless in its ecstasy of KNOWING

Giving opportunity and chance after chance,
to discover the perfection of ITS vision...

Revealing the immortality of itself over and over again
and the POWER which it holds of transformation

Existing only in the realms of truth,
in whose temples I humbly desire to remain....

I  love your soul, as if it were my own..
.
I hold your presence in my heart,
and softly to enter into yours..

My Sweet Companions

 

 

Come with me....

my sweet companions...

we shall be entranced...

 

by...

the crown of the night sky,

alive....

with its countless glimmering stars,

we will tremble with them at the beauty,

of the sliver of that silver moon,

 

We can watch with sleepy eyes,

the sun, rise..

and paint our darkened sky, with glowing color

and...

we can hear....

the whole earth laugh with hope....

as....a new day

is being

born

Let's sit awhile and watch the sky,

the clouds,

whirl and dance,

ballerinas and mad dervishes,

dressed in white...

by the hands of

that gleeful wind

 

Let's shiver and listen...

to,

the wild things calling...

their primal yearnings,

crashing through the silence of our night..........

 

Let's  dance,

wet and shining

to the thrill,

of raindrops falling,

and with the dusty ground,

quench our thirst....

 

Here, touch with me,

these delicate petals,

let's reach with them....

long with them...

for the arms...

of the sun 

 

Come and look with me,

at the raging passion,

of a snowmelt waterfall,

spiraling uncontrollably,

let's feed ourselves,

on the totality of its abandon,

and return,

home

 

Be with me......

in awe of splendor...

a willing audience...

 sweet companions....

of the days..

the nights...

unfolding...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hopes, Dreams and Aspirations

What are your aspirations, your dreams, your wants and your desires?

With what, do you fill your empty places,

your seemingly dormant spaces?

With what liquid do you quench, your thirst?

feed your hungry soul?

my darling, please REMEMBER.....

that you were not made solely

to spend your hours,

your years in the pursuit...

of your buying power,

intellectual prowess,

as a searcher and seeker....

of approval, and of LOVE,

from the empty coffers....

of things that WILL NOT

GIVE!

when.....

you are made for peace,

you are made for joy

your heart cries to DANCE

in wild celebration,

because IT KNOWS

that at every moment you are a living,

breathing,

poem,

written by an author,

whose scripts are alive...

with beauty

You, sweet, innocent person,

are made in the image of children,

with SIMPLICITY at your core....

your tears kissed,

your nightmares comforted.

by a "parent"

who does not EVER abandon you

YOU, my darling, are sung the sweetest of  lullabies,

if you could but hear them......

the notes of which

are woven throughout your moments

by the musician whose unmatched expertise....

whose sole magnificent performance....

is solely meant and played for YOU

You, my love, are a painting

whose colors are so vibrant,

so alive...

that all of creation

breathes in your beauty,  in wonder....

by an artist whose palette

is filled with every imaginable color,

brilliant sunsets, verdant forests, silver moonlight

are only part of the repertoire,

set upon the canvas,

that is you,

if only you could see it

Your capacity for joy, darling...

is more abundant than the stars,

which light the sky....

or the drops which fill the sea....

if you could but FEEL it...

Your LIFE is more precious,

your every action...

(which you often consider

to be the most mundane......)

are cherished,

remembered,

encouraged,

and yes, LOVED

without reservation,

or restraint,

by a virtuoso....

of LOVERS,

who knows you more intimately,

than you know yourself

If you only FELT the touch of  it.......

And if you knew this,

your search would end, thus...

as if it never began......

Holy Moments

 

HOLY MOMENTS

written by Carolyn Jackson, photo unknown

 

And you would look for me,

in the flowering of the lily,

in the ancient tales and writings,

of the saints

and of the sinners 

 

And you would look for me

in the sweeping vistas,

the howling wind and deep cold

of the highest mountains

 

You may catch a glimpse of me

in the sparkling diamonds

laid out upon the sea

or the lazy undulations

of the golden grained

gently

windswept fields

 

Or you may find me

for a moment

in a sleeping child's sigh

or a lover's tear

or a soldiers death cry

 

You may see me in

the subtle and in the obvious

the church,

the synagogue

the long winded prayer,

the chant

the choir

the buyer

the seller

the traitor

and the liar

 

It is you who would judge

which

are the holy moments

by your own idea

of what is right

and what is

wrong

 

And it is you who would lay the blame

of all of that judgment

at the feet

of your GOD

 

This is the dream,

which you have created,

a play which you have directed,

it is you who have expected,

such a wonderful and warped objective,

And you are the actor,

the writer,

the creator,

of ....

it all,

Beautiful and Horrendous

 

and all the while

the moments

yes, those holy moments

that you  choose to mourn,

or that you choose to love,

do,,,,

pass you by....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh Lover of my Heart

 

 

Isn't it wonderful to find someone

in love with your heart?

someone who knows,

the buttons,

the clasps,

and unties...

the ribbons of the ungainly garments,

beneath which...

your innocence...

lies

someone

who listens....

not to what is said,

but to what is felt...

in the silence between the uttered  confusion of words

 

someone

who strokes your soul....

as if it is the softest,

silkiest substance,

ever touched

 

someone who

appreciates the sight...

the sound....

of the part of you

which lies naked...

beneath the armor of

your skin,

and

your bones,

 

someone who recognizes...

that light

shining....

through, (sometimes)

the glimmering diamonds of your shyly hidden tears

 

someone who can hear,

the sound

of those magical bubbles of  mirth....

beneath the seriousness

of your bravely constructed  façade

 

And when they join 

you there,

in THAT most sacred of cathedrals,

which holds,

both...

your soul,

and theirs.....

 

What union of Divinity....

can there be!

 

Poem by Carolyn Jackson photo by Dorey Myler

The Celebration of Solitude

In Celebration of Solitude

And she chose to be alone, ....

preferring the company

of solitude,,

unfettered by any other,

lovers, friends,

seemed too numerous a distraction,

for this day....

and these companions

rose up from within herself.
to celebrate !

COURAGE led the way...
into ALONE,

JOY with gay footsteps, danced along a path of utter FREEDOM,

SERENITY filled the air,
 the scent of PEACE,,
AND the nectar of SILENT APPRECIATION filled her on that day...
when others, came to call,
she did not answer, she simply turned away !

for

 with every breath

the warmth of LOVE

enveloped her

CLARITY opened her eyes,

….wide, and wider still

to every possibility of  BEAUTY

KNOWLEDGE told her of her choices, who she was, and why....

AND she sighed....

with the perfection,
of FULFILLMENT

on the day,
she chose to be
ALONE

 

poem and watercolor by Carolyn Jackson